Confidence Can Make Success Seem Like the Sole Valid Choice, Yet Modesty Permits Grace

When I came of age in the 1990s, authorities seemed to believe that the gender pay gap was most effectively handled by telling girls that no goal was out of reach. Bold, bright pink advertisements convinced me that institutional and cultural obstacles would crumble before my self-belief.

Experts have since debunked the notion that a person can fix their lives through optimistic thoughts. An author, in his work Selfie, explains how the neoliberal myth of the level playing field fuels much of self-help culture.

However, there is a part of me continues to think that by putting in the work and assemble a solid dream collage, I can realize my deepest aspirations: the single obstacle to my future rests on my shoulders. How do I find a harmonious middle ground, a balance between trusting in my unlimited potential but am not responsible for every failure?

The Answer Lies in Humility

The solution, according to a fourth-century philosopher, a religious leader from Hippo, is humility. The saint noted that modesty was the foundation of all other virtues, and that for those pursuing divinity “the primary aspect is humility; the second, humility; the final, self-effacement”.

Being an ex-Catholic such as myself, the term modesty can evoke a range of negative emotions. I grew up during a period in Catholicism when worrying about appearance constituted the sin of vanity; physical attraction was unacceptable beyond reproduction; and just thinking about masturbation could lead to punishment.

I don’t think that the saint meant this, but for many years, I mixed up “humility” with guilt.

Healthy Humility Is Not Personal Disgust

Being humble, as per psychiatrist Ravi Chandra, is not about self-loathing. An individual practicing constructive modesty takes pride in their capabilities and accomplishments while recognizing that knowledge is infinite. Chandra outlines multiple forms of modesty: modesty regarding cultures; intergenerational humility; intellectual humility; humility of knowledge; humility of skill; meekness in insight; humility of awe; and humility in the face of suffering.

Studies in psychology has also identified multiple perks stemming from intellectual humility, such as greater resilience, acceptance and relatedness.

Meekness in Action

In my work providing emotional care at senior facilities, I now think about humility as the practice of attending to others. Meekness serves as a centering practice: coming back, breath by breath, to the ground I stand on and the human being before me.

There are some residents who tell me repeated tales drawn from their experiences, over and over again, during each visit. Rather than counting minutes, I attempt to hear. I try to stay curious. What lessons are there from this individual and the stories that have stayed with them while other things faded?

Taoist Serenity

I strive to adopt the philosophical approach which expert Huston Smith described as “productive stillness”. Ancient Chinese sages urge individuals to calm the identity and live aligned to the flow of creation.

This might be especially relevant amid efforts to restore the destruction people have inflicted to the natural world. Through her publication Fathoms: The World in the Whale, writer Rebecca Giggs clarifies that being humble enables us to rediscover “the animal inside, the creature that quakes toward the unseen". Embracing an attitude of meekness, of ignorance, allows us to remember our species is a part of a larger whole.

The Beauty of Meekness

There exists an emptiness and hopelessness that comes with assuming no limits exist: success – if it involves attaining riches, reducing size, or securing an election – becomes the only acceptable option. Modesty allows for dignity and defeat. I practice modesty, grounded in reality, implying I have everything I need to grow.